When I look into the mirror…
Updated: Apr 24, 2021
… for a long time, I looked at myself in a very critical way – I used harsh words – sometimes I even felt aversion. “Not pretty enough” – “not successful enough” – “not good enough”.
Why so judgemental towards myself? Where did this come from? And, more important, is there another way?
Yes, there is. How?
A memory: Meditation session in Kampot, Cambodia. I just finished teaching a yoga class, now we are sitting with a group of 9 people in a circle. The meditation teacher Heaven is introducing today´s meditation “I will ask you today to meditate on what you want the most – to ask for more of this in your life – and add it to the sentence “I want more…” – repeat this sentence over and over again – plant the seed for this quality to prosper in your life”. Without having to think about it for long, I decided on “self-love”. After some minutes of meditation, I still couldn’t feel it. I visualised looking at myself in the mirror – as per usual I there was a lot of judgement – even aversion, instead of the hoped for self-love. I kept looking at myself. “I want more self-love” had become “I am self-love” under the guidance of Heaven. Still: Aversion.
And then it happened. Just for a brief moment: I saw myself through the eyes of my mother. And there it was: love. Unconditional love.
Tears started rolling down my face, and my right leg until then completely numb, came back to life. I sat there fully relaxed and light. What an insight.
I always recall this experience, when I catch myself falling back into self-judgement. And straight away my inner attitude towards myself becomes kinder and gentler.
How do you see yourself?
Do this experiment for yourself: Through whose eyes do you feel loved unconditionally? Your own? Your mother´s? Your father´s? Sister? Brother? Partner? A close friend? And if you feel that amongst your inner circle of people there isn´t one that loves you unconditionally, how about the Dalai Lama?