Transition Times. Bremen Calling. Goodbye Berlin and thank you.
Most of you know by now, that I have made the decision to leave Berlin to move back to my hometown Bremen.
I hope this blog post gives you some insight into my motives.
Berlin vs. Bremen – it´s a tough battle, at least when I am the judge.
Corona and the associated regulations and restrictions have taken Berlin´s benefits (what I classify as my Berlin benefits) away, leaving me with all the downsides (what I classify as downsides). And these downsides stand out even more now because there is nothing, not much, not enough, to balance them out.
Berlin´s collective energy, the noise, the non-existent silence, the stress (I´m talking about inner city Berlin, not surrounding areas), just seem harder and harder for me to bear. Whenever I leave the city to go back home to my parents it feels like going on a holiday, it´s so peaceful and quiet there. Upon returning to Berlin, I feel the city with its intense energies weighing me down. I need a few days to re-adjust, to build up my tolerance, my shield again. But this isn’t something I want to do. This is something that happens quite naturally, I believe its my system´s way of protecting itself. As if my system says: You, all the collective energies with your ups and downs, all the noise and stress, you stay out. I´m living in some kind of a protective bubble – sometimes of my own choosing, sometimes unconsciously.
This also means that I am closing myself off, away form the outer world, retreating to my inner sanctuary, my bubble. This means I am not taking in my surroundings, the world around me, which is not something I want to do, but kind of feels necessary in order to maintain my inner balance, my state of well-being.
Don´t get me wrong, I still love Berlin. I love my circle of friends here, I love the yoga and conscious community, I love Berlin´s diversity and that it has made me feel that I can be whoever I want to be, that I can also change who I want to be and experience the city in a new light.*
Berlin was the city I moved to when I came back to Germany after living in Australia and New Zealand for almost 4 years, which left me feeling like I couldn’t even live in Germany anymore. The years I´ve spent here (5 in total, with some shorter and longer travel breaks in between), have been the most transformative and self-expanding years of my life [compared to the nebulous valley of confusion that I would call the larger part of my twenties].
Bremen had always been on my map; I always knew that I would move to Bremen one day. In the past though, whenever I came to Bremen for a visit, I thought ‘no, not ready yet’.
Finally, the time has come.
Corona and the associated regulations and restrictions with the consequence of me not being able to live out my yoga teacher dream (to my envisioned liking), have made it a lot easier for me to make this decision.
As I said before, my Berlin benefits are no longer outweighing my Berlin downsides. Obviously, Bremen has the same restrictions when it comes to teaching yoga, but my biggest Berlin downsides (which in my opinion all larger cities have in common: collective energy, noise, stress), are far less present in Bremen. Bremen is a large village 😉 Compared to Berlin not much of an actual city. Moving to Bremen also allows me to be closer to my family, which is something I am very much looking forward to.
Being in Berlin not able to live out my yoga teacher vision, has caused me to feel depressed and stuck for the past weeks/months. I know that I am not the only one feeling this way, but this doesn’t make it any better. This also doesn´t mean that I have to wait around in order for the situation and circumstances to change, for the regulations to loosen, for the yoga studios to open again. No, I don’t have to wait for this. If I want something to change, waiting is not what is needed. If I want something to change, I have to make a change, I have to be the change.
This was the big revelation, the AHA-moment:
I CAN MAKE A CHANGE. I DON’T HAVE TO STAY IN THIS SITUATION.
And my inner guide was whispering ‘Bremen’.
Easy. This will be a change. Not sure where it will lead me to, but it doesn’t matter. The upswing in energy that I have felt (and continue to feel) since I have made the decision is enormous. Creative energy is being released and put into action. I feel a sense of freedom and lightness. It´s the same feeling that I get before travelling. It´s a deep knowing that a new adventure is waiting for me and that whatever is coming will be exciting.
Bring it on Bremen.
Berlin I still love you.
*These are obviously no qualities special or limited to Berlin, any other place can do this for you. Just talking about my personal experience.